


Curiosity Killed The Cat (But Satisfaction Brought It Back)

by ineedmysickfix



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Elias and Peter Get Another Divorce ASMR, OG Archive Gang, One Shot, Pre-Canon, s1 shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:07:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29214639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ineedmysickfix/pseuds/ineedmysickfix
Summary: “If you’re going to insult me like this in my place of work then I want a divorce.” There was a beat of silence and Martin had to bite the inside of his cheek in order to stay as quiet as possible becauseoh God he had no idea that Elias was even married! Let alone to someone whose family was apparently funding the institute and now he was hearing the beginnings of their divorce holy shi-“Really, Elias?” Peter sounded exasperated yet fond, “Another one? We’re barely halfway through August and yet this would be our fourth divorce this year alone.”----------------------------------While dropping off a file to Elias' office, Martin overhears an argument between Elias and...his husband? And apparently they were going to get a divorce...again? Only at the Magnus Institute!
Relationships: Elias Bouchard/Peter Lukas
Comments: 5
Kudos: 70





	Curiosity Killed The Cat (But Satisfaction Brought It Back)

**Author's Note:**

> Oh wow a fic that isn't a sickfic or part of my S1 Polychives Cabin AU? It's more likely than you think.

“Martin, could you please see me in my office?” Jon called out into the archive’s bullpen. Martin froze from where he was taking notes at his desk and looked up, catching a brief glimpse of Jon as he retreated back into his office. He sighed and stood up, ignoring the cheeky looks thrown at him by Sasha and Tim.

“Oooooh, looks like _someone’s_ in trouble!” Tim stage whispered, a hand covering the receiver of his phone. He was on hold with some company or other for a follow up but he swore that they could still hear you talk even if you were put on hold. “What’d you do, Martin? Forget to put sugar into his morning tea?”

“Shut up, Tim, he’s not in trouble. Jon must’ve finally come to his senses and is going to proclaim his undying love for Martin,” Sasha said without even looking up from her computer.

Martin blushed and huffed as he stood up from his desk, pointedly ignoring Tim’s howling laughter. Sometimes he was thankful that Jon got so invested in his work that he barely even noticed anything that didn’t directly involve him...including Martin’s feelings for the man. 

“Knock, knock,” Martin called out into Jon’s office, “You wanted to see me?”

Jon looked up from his desk, loose papers and folders strewn about but quickly being organized and put into neat piles. “Yes. Please come in, Martin.” Martin stepped in as Jon stuffed seemingly random papers into his briefcase. “I have a favor to ask you if that’s alright. Elias requested that I bring him an important file case as soon as possible but I forgot that there’s a meeting of the department heads that I must attend. Could you bring the file up to his office for me?”

Martin visibly relaxed, happy that Jon was too preoccupied with this bag to notice. “Yes, of course! I’d be happy to bring it up for you. Well not really _happy_ but- wait no! I mean- What I meant to say was- um, you know? I do enjoy this job and work is work and all that and-”

“Thank you, Martin.” Jon fixed Martin with a look and held out a folder for him, “I should be back within an hour so please give it to him before I get back.”

“Right. I’ll just go and do it now then. Have fun at your meeting!” Martin gave a small smile before turning around and heading out of the office. “He wasn’t mad and he didn’t _-ahem-_ confess anything to me, thank you very much. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to make a delivery to Elias.”

“Okie dokes. Have fun seeing the double boss!” Martin couldn’t help but smile at Tim’s quip before he ascended the stairs out of the archives.

* * *

“I can’t believe the stupid lift is out of service,” Martin grumbled after three flights of stairs. “Honestly, all with all the money and prestige that this place has, you’d think that the only lift in the building wouldn’t break down at least once a week.” 

He took a second to catch his breath and made his way to Elias’ office, happy that at least he’d be able to say hi to Rosie while he was there, probably have a bit of a chat about their weeks or recent office gossip. But when he reached the receptionist’s desk, he found it vacant. She must’ve been on break. 

Martin sighed as he looked at the folder in his hand. He could stay and wait for her to come back but he didn’t know how long she’d be gone for. Or he could also just come back later, but one look at the stairs convinced him otherwise. If he left it on her desk with a note she’d probably be able to hand it off to Elias. Martin had planned on just giving it to her to pass on anyway so it should be fine. He walked behind Rosie’s desk and scanned the surface for a sticky note or a scrap paper to write a quick note when his search was interrupted by a shout coming from Elias’ office.

“This is _completely_ unacceptable! I can’t believe you’d even _think_ about that as an option, you absolute twit!” Oof, Martin felt sorry for whoever was on the receiving end of that reprimand. His eyes shifted from the door back to the desk and instantly found some sticky notes and a pen. He quickly grabbed the items ready to scrawl a short note before his ears picked up a second voice emanating from behind Elias’ closed office door.

“Well I’m sorry if you won’t listen to my advice I was just trying to be polite.” Martin didn’t recognize this new voice, a chill ran down his spine at the sound of it. It was deep with a slightly upbeat tone that vastly conflicted with Elias’ own posh, uptight voice. “I thought I was actually helping you out with this situation but apparently I was wrong.”

“Help? Ha!” Elias gave a curt laugh, muffled within his office, “I honestly can’t remember the last time you genuinely helped me with anything.”

“Oh? So you wouldn’t count me funding your little institution as help, Elias?”

… _What?_ Martin stared hard at Elias’ office door as if that could help him hear the conversation clearer. He really should leave, that’d be the polite thing to do...but he could not pass up on this office drama. 

“No, I wouldn’t count your _family’s_ contributions as you, Peter, personally helping me with a problem.”

“Even when you ask me so sweetly for more money? It’s actually rather cute when you do so if I’m being honest.”

 _Funding? Family? Peter...why does that name sound so familiar?_ Martin heard the scrape of a chair and footsteps and he held his breath, hoping he wasn’t somehow found out.

“If you’re going to insult me like this in my place of work then I want a divorce.” There was a beat of silence and Martin had to bite the inside of his cheek in order to stay as quiet as possible because _oh God he had no idea that Elias was even married! Let alone to someone whose family was apparently funding the institute and now he was hearing the beginnings of their divorce holy shi-_

“Really, Elias?” Peter sounded exasperated yet fond, “Another one? We’re barely halfway through August and yet this would be our fourth divorce this year alone.” 

_WHAT?_ Martin slammed the file onto Rosie’s desk and ran down the hall, taking the stairs two at a time until he was far away from the situation, completely unaware of Elias’ annoyed groan coupled with Peter’s surprised chuckle.

By the time he stepped foot into the archives he was trying hard not to hyperventilate. “Woah, Martin. Are you alright? It looks like you’ve just seen a ghost.” 

“Did you go into artefact storage or something?” Martin ignored Tim and Sasha’s concern and went straight toward the break room. 

Tea, tea should help calm him down right? It always did. Even when he just found out that the head of the institute was going to divorce his husband for apparently the fourth time this year and the husband in question was helping to fund the institute itself and oh no was this going to affect the institute? Was this going to affect _his job_?

“Martin?” Martin nearly jumped out of his skin as he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around and saw Tim and Sasha staring at him with concern, “What’s going on, mate? You look terrified.”

“I accidentally overheard Elias arguing with his husband, Peter, whose family funds the institute and he said that he wanted a divorce and I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but I was looking for some paper so I could leave a note along with the case file that Jon told me to give to him but I heard them yelling and Peter said that if they got divorced it’d be they’re fourth time this year and like who even does that?” Martin’s words came out in a flurry and he shook with nervous energy afterward.

Tim and Sasha stared at Martin, completely dumbfounded and at a loss for words. “I...uh, what?”

“Wait, you said Peter, right? As in Peter Lukas of the Lukas family? The same family that gives the Institute tons and _tons_ of money?” Sasha’s eyes widened at her discovery. “You mean to tell me that Elias, Mr. Head of the Magnus Institute, is married to Peter Lukas? Oh my god, Martin, that’s-”

“Quite enough, if I may say so.” The trio jumped and turned to see the man himself standing in the doorway. Elias strode into the room and eyed the three assistants critically, “It’s rather rude to gossip about your employer now isn’t it? If the three of you keep this up I’ll be forced to-”

“Forced to what? Fire us? Because if you do, we won’t have anything stopping us from leaking this information out into the world.” Tim surprised everyone including himself at how bold he was suddenly being.

“Tim’s right, Elias,” Sasha added, “I couldn’t even begin to imagine how much scrutiny the Magnus Institute would be under if it was revealed that its Head was married to the son of the Lukas family who provide most, if not all of its funding.”

“Our marriage, or lack thereof soon, is not something I am ashamed of.” Elias straightened his back and crossed his arms, “And yes, his family does help provide money for our research but my partnership with Peter is completely unrelated to it. But it isn’t as if it’s some huge scandal that we’re married.” 

“Okay then, if it isn’t that big of a deal then you wouldn’t mind if we sent a mass email out to everyone who works here then, right?”

Elias’ eyes narrowed at Sasha’s threat, “You wouldn’t.”

“You’re right, we wouldn’t,” Tim interjected, “ _If_ we were given a good reason not to, like say-”

“A raise!” Martin’s eyes widened as everyone turned to look at him. “I- I mean, um. I feel like it’s within the institute’s budget to give us all raises because I may or may not have overheard Peter mentioning you asking him for money, but I honestly can’t remember. Maybe I should ask him myself?” Elias’ eyebrows furrowed as Sasha and Tim gave Martin two thumbs up. This was either going to end with them getting bonuses or getting sacked.

“Where is everyone?” Jon’s annoyed voice echoed through the small archives accompanied by the sound of his quick footsteps, “Why aren’t any of you working? You three had your break before I left so why are none of you- oh. Hello, Elias.” Jon stopped at the doorway, his angry expression melting into confusion at the sight of his boss. “What’s going on here?”

Elias gave the trio one last glare before turning to Jon, “Well, I was praising your assistants for their great work. And you have perfect timing as I was just about to tell them that I’ll be giving you all raises for your hard work and dedication. I know this task was rather daunting when I first assigned it to you all so I thought everyone here deserved some form of reward for your devotion to organizing this institute's archives. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to schedule an appointment with my divorce lawyer.” Elias grumbled the last part to himself as he strode out of the break room.

Nobody moved as they were left in stunned silence, only broken when Jon finally found his voice, “What-” Jon turned to his assistance, “What on Earth just happened?”

“I gave Elias the case file, just like you told me to.”

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this idea for so long and it was so fun writing this fic alkgjhlnyrzkmujil  
> Hope you enjoyed!!!


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